To Argue or Not to Argue, That is the Question!

My parents always told me that the only way to win an argument was not to have one. I agree with this statement in its sentiment I also don’t think it is possible to avoid all arguments. The idea behind the cliché is that both parties in an argument lose so it is better to not argue. The problem is that there are some things worth arguing for and to not argue communicates that you don’t value the relationship enough to deal with the issue that is causing tension between you and the other person.
The metaphor I think of when I think of conflict is playing with fire. Conflict can be destructive but is also useful for destroying the barrier between parties that stops communication and affection. The conflict can also be like fire in that if it is not handled correctly it can hurt all those involved in the conflict. If the fire, argument, is handled correctly the warmth is generated and we both come closer together to feel the heat.
The cliché of avoiding an argument is to help us weigh the costs of an argument before entering into one. This is valuable because we may have a tendency to engage in arguments over the little and petty things that should just be overlooked or let slide. If an issued is important or the issue is destructive in the relationship and must be dealt with then the metaphor reminds or how important it is to be careful with our words and to argue constructively. When I was a child I dealt with conflict head-on and with little care for those I might hurt. The conflict was all about what I wanted and my rights. This selfish attitude resulted in many arguments and strained relationships. As I grew older and wiser and with the influence of intentional parents that modeled how to argue in love I learned how to not sweat the little stuff and to deal with the issues of the heart rather than behaviors. I remember many conversations with my father where he would drill right through my behavior and excuses right to the heart of the issue, which was that I was being selfish. Now as an adult I try to remember to let the little things roll off my back and when conflicts do arise to argue with love for the other person and be careful