Yesterday was one of the hardest of my life. My brother-in-law and I admitted MIchelle to a mental facility. After the lose of her 20 month old her mind made a break with reality. It was very hard to watch. She will most likely miss her son’s funeral. To say I am heartbroken is not enough. I can’t articulate to pain my heart is feeling. Today family will be here and things must move forward.
Out friends are very sweet and I am humbled by thier generosity and love for us.
My heart just won’t stop melting with the thought of lost dreams and uncreated childhood memories. Zane’s parents, my sister and her husband face pain and sorrow like no one should ever have to. I fear for the inescapeability of the loss of Zane and what it could do to the relationships in our family.
The reality of this loss has not yet started to sink in and the months ahead are going to hold many tears. I know God has not abandoned us even though it feels like He has. I am pushing through this fallen life with the hope and strength in the promise of the enternal life we have in Christ.
Meanwhile we still hurt and cry.
I hear Naomi scream which is not uncommon especially if the two littles are playing together. It is usually a scrap about not sharing a toy or some other globally impacting offense.
So I start to saunter down to where they are playing when Levi starts screaming, swatting and running in circles. All logical activities if you are being pursued by a very unhappy hive of Yellowjackets.
I end my phone call abruptly and ran as fast as a forty somthin’ fat man can run. I picked them up one under each arm and ran back up the hill (it had to be up hill) and into the house.
The “littles” by this time have escalated to an all out ear piercing scream. Stacey Smith Fischer heard us coming and has dumped the baby into the arms of the disgruntled teenager.
I run up the stairs two at a time with Stacey in my wake. We get the shower running and start stripping toddlers. Then we notice that a few ok, five, Yellowjackets were hiding out in the clothes and are now buzzing around the bathroom. Of coarse they are no match for Stacey, the master wielder of the flyswatter.
Of coarse the pre-teen has to stick her nose into everything and this time it bit her. No literally, one of the not yet slayed by Stacey, Yellowjackets stung Abbi on her ear. She ran out viciously shaking her head and flailing her arms down the hall and into Levi’s room where she laid in the fetal position screaming. The level of scream that she produced is still ringing my ears as I write this post.
Sweet Naomi had 7 stings and as Levi’s running in circles tactic must have worked he only had 4 stings. They are soaking in a way too full bath and the pre-teen is still crying.
I was nudged awake this morning at 3:20, ” Please go make a bottle for the baby.” I hear the now stirring but not yet screaming baby.
I shuffle like a creature from a “b” rated horror film down to the kitchen. I turn on the faucet and air hiss like my daughter’s bike tire hit a nail, no water. My brain is processing…no water, no water, NO WATER!
After checking for leaks and open valves we call water company. Our littleish town doesn’t have a big water company so they have to wake someone. He calls us back and we troubleshoot to discover it has to be my water regulator valve. I have no clue where that little gem is hidden in this new house.
So now I am on a hunt for the regulator. I know what it looks like and that I should be close to where water meter outside comes in the house.
Ends up it is in basement area in Anna’s room. I turn on her light and start moving ceiling tiles to get to the pipes. Anna, blinking awake in slurred speech, says “what are you doing?” I tell her about the water. In a pillow muffled voice she tells me “the pipes were making a noise so Abbi came in my room and fixed it by tuning some valve.”
Come to find out the hose outside was left on and they fixed it by turning off the valve to the whole house.
Whew! No money to fix, just lost sleep which I get little of anyway these days.
I am excited to announce that I no longer work for EarthLink.
Let me take a minute to thank my EarthLink team. I managed an incredible group of talented and passionate people. They have become like family to me. I am grateful to them for their loyalty, respect and friendship. I have always felt that the way to get more from your employees is to empower, respect and listen to them and this team proved out this method. This team has not missed a cost savings goal in 12 years. This is an amazing accomplishment as last years savings goal was $39 million reduction of monthly network cost. Our group achieved $41 million, $2 million over our stated goal. Thank you team for the hard work, the overtime and the ongoing battle to be fantastic. It has been my pleasure to lead you.
This change is not without some sadness and fears. I am sad to leave people I care about and a little fearful of doing new things. Mostly though I am excited to face new challenges and learn new things. Those who know me well know how much I love to learn. I am always reading about the next new challenge and listening to podcast of those who are on the cutting edge. I am the early adopter that the tech companies love.
I have been so blessed to be able to use my skills and to enjoy the work I do. I am excited to see where God puts me next.
I will be taking the next couple of weeks to evaluate and even interview with companies that could use my skills to determine if that is where I can make the most difference. This is truly a new chapter in our journey. As such my family is open to whatever changes are necessary. Our family is ready to move to another city, state or country if the opportunity is right and God leads us there.
So in this post I do have a call to action for you the reader. Please pray for me and my family.
“The van is making a thumping noise, like a flat tire. I pulled over and the tires are fine.” she said in a concerned, almost panicked voice. I told her I thought it was a CV boot or something like that. I am not a mechanic, which will become apparent by the end of this story.
I hung up and called my wife’s uncle Dan. He is a mechanic. He asked me some questions which I didn’t know the answer to so he said he would call my wife directly and ask her.
She hung up and called her brother, Jimmy. He was eating at a restaurant close by so she drove there to meet him.
Dan called and ended up talking to Jimmy and after some questions asked and answered he said “Check the lug nuts.” Jimmy did and found 4 out of the five lug nuts were loose.
This leads me back to the headline of this story. I really didn’t try to kill my wife.
Needless to say I am thankful that the wheel stayed on and my family is safe. I am going to be more paranoid about making sure that the lug nuts are tight.
God is good to us and this little experience just shows the fragility of our lives and how something small can change everything in a blink of an eye.
Thank you Lord for you grace to me and my family.
I snapped at my daughter and made her feel small again. I regretted it right after but it was too late, damage was done. I still do the things I don’t want to do. I don’t love well. I don’t protect well.
I want to be a man, you know a real man. I want to be God’s man but I find it very hard to fight the old man.
I have been reading through Galatians and this verse is sticking in my head.
Galatians 16 But I say, walk by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the flesh. 17For the desires of the flesh are against the Spirit, and the desires of the Spirit are against the flesh, for these are opposed to each other, to keep you from doing the things you want to do.
The real work is done my God. I am not saying we don’t fight temptation or run from it as Joseph does Potiphar’s wife. The point I am making is that Christ in me is the power that effect the power to fight. Notice that Paul is clear to give Flesh and Spirit as opposing forces. Whichever of these forces you choose to focus on or spend time with will be a deterrent to the other. The thing that is at work here is love. As I am spending time with the Spirit(Christ) I am falling more in love. I am recognizing the depths of His love for me and the true measure of His sacrifice for me, a wretch. This leads me to obedience.
I know as I was a child I obeyed my parents out of fear of discipline but then as I grew older I obeyed out of love and respect for them. God is calling me to love and respect Him and thus obedience.
Will we ever be perfect? No. But I love Jesus and I want to grow closer to Him. Even Paul says “For I do not do what I want, but I do the very thing I hate.”
“Lord help me walk by the Spirit”
This is an experiment to test out TeeSpring.com as a sort of “Kickstarter” for T-shirt designs. I like the idea so I hope it works. I will write more about it after the test .Please share the link where ever you can Thanks!
I have been working with the folks at Casa Del Sol Mexican Restaurant 6468 US Hwy 11 Springville, Alabama 35146 (205) 452-2140. They have been great to work with. They have done things that have been asked of them and that has made all the difference.
They are serving incredible food and have a great staff that is friendly an fun. The also have Live music on Saturday nights and football specials.(And starting Saturday during the SEC games we’ll have Dollar Draft Coors Light!)
They Have a Huge 70″ HD flat screen for watching football.
Please go Check them out.