I don’t fear death but I fear aging. I sometimes feel like I have been betrayed by my body. I know that it was my fault that my body is like this but I have always been able to push my body to do things in spite of the pain I felt. Now, however, I find my body just can’t push through it.
The harsh reality of age is crystal clear and sitting on my the stoop of my door waiting for me to stumble through it. I can forestall it with exercise and healthy eating perhaps but I can’t avoid it forever. Honestly I’m afraid of it.
I know God is taking care of me and my family and that is a comfort but I want to be honest about my feelings. I am not obsessing about this and letting it paralyze me. I am just recognizing it for what it is.
He strengthens me and upholds me with His righteous right hand, says Isaiah. I cling to this like a drowning man to a life raft. He has always been faithful and yet I still struggle to believe. Father give me faith. Amen.